Frustrations

I have not been well for nearly 2 weeks now. I have had a very heavy cold which has affected my eyes and ears as well and my nose. Tomorrow will be my third visit to the doctors to try and get rid of whatever it is that is making me poorly.

My frustration is that I have wanted to spend time in prayer but because of my throbbing head I have not been able to bow my head or lie down which I like to do sometimes when I pray.

I know that Greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world and by his stripes I am healed but that has not been my experience this time.

I also know that it is not Jesus fault that I have not been healed because His sacrifice on the cross was once and for all and healing is available to me whenever I need it, I just have to reach out and take hold of the healing.

I know that this sounds like a big whinge but I do have a testimony to bring. I took the service on Sunday and despite fealing awful, God took my weakness and used it for His glory. The service was well received so praise God!!!

I realised last night at a worship service that I can only go so far in worship before hitting the walls of reservation and fear. Reservation because it was not how I was brought up, we didn't raise our hands in the Methodist Church or sing our own songs in the time of worship. Fear because of what people will think of me. I have heard what people think of people who raise their hands. I long to get a big demolition ball and SMASH these walls down so that there are no restrictions when I worship God.

I need to not worry about what people "may" think of me and worry about what God thinks of me. That is what is important.

I need to throw off the shackles of religion and worship from the heart.

God please show me how to do this.

Any ideas?

What is this blog all about

I hope to keep a journal of my seeking after God. I am a Reader in the Church of England but have worshipped in the Methodist and Elim churches before. I believe that God has so much more for me which will equip me for my ministry.

I have played at being a Christian for far too long and know that God is calling to this journey. I want everything that God has for me and not in a self glorification way because all the glory goes to God.

I owe everything to God because He sent His Son to die for me on the cross at Calvary and paid the price for my sins past, present & future. Now I have eternal life because of what He did for me.

My prayer is that through my journey I maybe able to help other people who struggle like I do with things.

Yours in Christ


Stephen